Note to self and anyone else who (as Otis Gibbs would say) gives a damn;

Learn to change in favor of the best of yourself. Reject the mantle which isn't your truest self and instead dare to put on the honest vestments which name you rightly.

If, like me, you write, say; "I am a writer" and then to sit down and do that thing with all the effort and conviction as if it were actually true.  Like it was your job. Like your life depended on it, because it does.

When you honor your gifts and talents with your time, it's like giving the day God gave you, back to him with interest. There is no excuse for not doing that, so if you find that you can't, change something until you can.

As for me, this is my chance. It took me an awfully long time to grab it, in fact most days I believe I almost missed it.  It was AP who continued to encourage, his patience and confidence in me extending long past my own. He was relentless in laying both encouragement and opportunity at my feet.  Hannah, too, my beautiful, faithful friend, pushed with just the right amount of ferocity to stir me up before it was too late.

But now I've sunk my teeth into it, and I'm not letting go. It is why I've spent my days unwilling to answer my phone, despite the most earnest efforts of, I'm quite certain, more people than I even know. It's why some weeks I'm scrambling for dinner last minute or not at all. I'm unwilling to do anything right now, except write and make pictures and make music, to love my husband, to attend counseling class, to clean my home, to exercise and that is all. And that is more than enough.

Someday soon there will be land and children, time will pass, age will sink and settle into my bones. Not every season will be like this one, ripe for the taking. Not every moment in time will allow me to establish habits which are solid and sure and which will survive the times to come, when it won't be so easy to do what I am.

Oh, my dears. Do what you are.  If you don't have a Hannah or an AP determined to shake you loose from your excuses, let this be that voice. If you have to stay up late into the night or wake before the sun, if you have to go out to the forest and be alone, if you have to save more than you can spare, or give up more than you have, whatever it takes; do that.

 

 

 

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